I started this blog as a natural companion to my 52 First Drafts Project. It serves several purposes.
- It is a record of my journey.
- It reminds me how important this project is to my writing.
- It gives me yet another opportunity to write.
- It connects me to others on similar journeys.
- It’s a platform for what I have to say.
- It shows industry professionals I have an online presence.
- Accountability. It helps me continue my weekly writing.
- It’s something for my mom and dad to see.
- It helps me find new friends, possible critique partners, and confidants.
My goal was never to have a large readership, just to write. Of course the fantasy of a little fame and fortune did skirt around the edges of my mind; mostly as a ‘wouldn’t it be fun’ idea, not an ‘I really want this to happen’ idea.
Recently my blog became a featured blog on the front page of the SCBWI website. Go there; you’ll see it. It’s the first one. My name and blog title will be seen by everyone who goes there for the next two months.
This is what I wanted when I started this blog; a way for people to find it and follow me.
Awesome, right? Right? Right? So people are going to be reading what I write? Isn’t that why we write? Now everything I write will have to be good. So many possible eyes, such talented eyes, other writers! How was my last post? Terrible. Maybe I should take it down. But the one before it isn’t any better. I could ask them to remove my blog from the blogroll. Blah, blah, blah.
Yes, that is the monolog that when through my head.
Imposter Syndrome – The feeling that despite your accomplishments, you are a fraud and don’t deserve what you are achieving.
Lots of people experience it. I just read up on it. Lots of people. It can, in fact, be crippling to some people. Their thoughts become a self-fulfilling prophecy. They believe they are not deserving and soon they stop meeting the standards they are so capable of achieving.
So how long did this feeling last with me? About 20 minutes. Far from crippling.
I replaced those thoughts with these.
- This is an opportunity to step up my blog.
- Now I have more motivation to keep up with the blog.
- …Which will give me more motivation to keep writing my 52 first drafts.
- This is another opportunity to get my name and voice out there.
- I now feel more like I am a part of this community.
- What is the opposite of imposter syndrome? Thats what I was left with. I feel stronger about my worth and abilities. Heck, look at me, I’m a featured blogger at SCBWI!
Years ago I started a list. I titled it “Things I have Done.” I keep in in a folder on my computer desktop. This list includes everything I am proud of. It includes awards, certifications, places visited, successes both professionally and personally, relationships, things that make me feel good about myself going back as far as I can remember. I continually add to the list. In times of self doubt I can open the list and say, “Wow, look what I’ve done. That took a whole lot of work and I deserve to be where I am.” I’ll have to remember to add ‘featured on SCBWI blogroll’ to the list.
Oh, and let me not forget – Week 44 and I have now write 44 first drafts!
Now go out there and make your own list. Big things, little things, everything. Put it where you can see it. The next time something occurs that weakens your confidence, look at the list and remember how amazing you are.