SCBWI Summer Conference 2015 was a huge success for me. did I get an agent? No. Did a publisher request to see my manuscript? No.
Before the conference, I made a list of goals I wanted to accomplish. Here’s the stuff that makes me happy.
- I met everyone I wanted to meet.
- I shared my 52 First Drafts Project. (Many people were even familiar with it.)
- I made lasting relationships. (Time will tell, but I’m pretty sure.)
- I gained writing skills.
- I gained industry knowledge.
- I took risks.
- I acted beyond my comfort zone
- I’ve been inspired.
Success.
It’s easy to feel lost at the conference. 1200 people, and it seems like every one of them is further along in their writing careers than you. It’s not true, but even if it were, it shouldn’t matter. This is not a competitive sport (Although, Kwame Alexander’s basketball references were pretty spot on). One persons success does not negate another person’s chances. If your book is good enough, one day the right person will see it.
This doesn’t stop the comparing. You’ve published how many books? You just signed with which agent? Who requested to see the whole manuscript? There are so many successes all around at the conference. They should be inspirational.
Regardless of how positive your attitude is and your understanding that you need to have perseverance, you can start to feel small. When Mem Fox or Kwame Alexander read their own words I find myself having to catch my breath. Stunning! My next thought is often – I could never do that. Then, I force this next thought – No, but let me show the world what I can do.
At these times we have two choices: Wallow in the fact that you will never measure up, or rise to the challenge, work harder, and create your best work. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always seem like we have control. Those feeling can hit you fast. Personally, I would bounce between the two ideas five time just riding the escalator from one floor to the next.
In the end, I force myself to be strong. It is a choice.
The 52 First Drafts Project was started, in part, to deal with these understandable and inevitable feeling. I figured that if I was doing something big, even if it wasn’t getting published, I would have results I could be proud of. Something I knew others may find interesting or noteworthy.
And it worked. It helped me find confidence. That confidence lead to the eight successes I mentioned at the beginning of this blog post.
I am heading towards the end of week 49. And I have my 50th story idea in my head. It’s all coming to an end. I’m looking forward to sharing everything I have learned through this experience, but I am also looking beyond. What’s next? How will I keep up the momentum of this fantastic experiment? I have some ideas I’ll share in the weeks to come.